REMEMBER: None of the following matters if you think you can use apologies to avoid responsibility for your behavior. And if you continue the offensive behavior, you are not sorry at all, just selfish.
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I'm Sorry! I'm Sorry!
You know this one. You're late for work and imagining all the
different ways you'll be punished when you walk in. You've built
your anxiety levels to overflowing. You walk in the office and
practically yell, "I'm SORRY" and act very upset. If your lateness
is addressed, you act sheepish and totally give all the reasons it
was IMPOSSIBLE for you to have made it on time, everything
outside your control. LIES.
I'm Sorry, But....
You've heard this one. Your friend forgets to return something they borrowed and you needed it for a special occasion. You tell your friend how upset you are. They say, I'm Sorry, But...you knew I had class last night," or some other reason that proves whatever they did wrong is somehow your fault. How do you do this?
WHO IS THIS APOLOGY FOR, ANYWAY?
A True Apology is a Request for Forgiveness.
It is normal to feel upset when you do something you feel you
should not do, or fail to do something you feel you should. The
insane part is to solve it blaming the other person. This is the prevailing theme of communication: "I feel bad about my behavior, so come here so I can kick you."
Maybe if we convince ourselves the other person is a BAD person,
what we did to them won't seem so bad. Then we don't have to
feel so guilty or apologize. However, that just doesn't work.
WHEN DOES IT ALL END?
It will end when you stop TRYING to Feel better and make a proper and sincere apology.
That's when you'll stop making up all this foolishness about being a victim and take responsibility for your intentions and your actions.